2015 – what won’t happen
Do you remember when we were told that cupcakes were the ‘next big thing’ and everything seemed simple? Then it was all kale and foam, ice cream sandwiches and edible soil, and bugs and boiled eggs encased in jelly, and we all got a bit scared for the future. Well, it’s that time again – the turn of the year; time to sort the fads and the bald facts from the bunkum and bullshit – 2015’s emerging food trends.
Among the many predictions for the culinary year ahead – Poutine (posh cheesy chips and gravy), Brinner (Breakfast at dinner), lard making a comeback (!?) and shrubs, to name but four – something caught my greedy eye.
Insight house the Canadean Group has earmarked a burgeoning and continued trend for food fusion products – citing a consumer phenomenon known as “Restless Palate Syndrome” as the main suspect in the continual pursuit of new flavours and novel tastes. And, when it comes to food fusion, the baking world is most definitely the trend setter. The movement for melding different, sometimes opposing styles to create brand new creations, took flight last year with Chef Dominique Ansel creating and subsequently trademarking the Cronut – a croissant/doughnut hybrid – which took on a life of its own on social media, becoming the most virally talked about dessert since Alexander Fleming discovered some mouldy old cake in his laboratory.
In the Cronut’s wake, all manner of portmanteau delicacies including the townie (a tartlet crossed with a brownie); the brookie (a blend of brownies and cookies); the muffle (muffin plus waffle); the crookie (croissant and cookie) and the duffin (a muffin-doughnut fusion), have been produced. With innovation at its heart, it’s a trend that won’t be abating any time soon.
Here, in the spirit of the season, we’ve created a list of possible baking mashups that definitely won’t make it big in 2015. And if they do, you’ll be hearing from our solicitors.
The Crumnut – Crumpet/Doughnut
The familiar yeasty tea time treat, brought kicking and screaming into the 21st century with the aid of a deep fryer and a liberal dusting of sugar.
Best enjoyed with: The Last of the Summer Wine season one boxset
Dickmuff – Spotted Dick/Muffin
Inadvisably re-lablled as ‘Sticky Richard’ by the prudes, the traditional suet sponge is here reimagined in a handy muffin shape, thrice injected with cold Birds custard for good measure.
Best enjoyed with: Builder’s tea and a fag
The Waffbundt – Waffle/Bundt Cake
The Waffbundt takes the phrase ‘mashup’ at its most literal. Simply place a slice of the traditional German delicacy in a hot, buttered waffle iron, don a welders mask and violently force the jaws of the iron shut for five minutes or less. Voila! (or should that be verschleiert!)
Best enjoyed with: Third degree burns
Mufflova – Pavlova Muffin
A simple yet doubtless delicious concoction of blended raspberries, cream and meringue, folded into muffin cases and chilled until edible.
Best enjoyed with: Vodka. Lots of vodka.
The Lardy Rascal – Lardy Cake/Fat Rascal
Less an overweight chancer, the kind that would chat up your wife and steal your wallet, and more hybrid of two of Britain’s most cherished delights. A kind of rock cake infused with beef dripping, rendered lard and finished with cherries and sultanas.
Best enjoyed with: An angioplasty
Eton Muff – Eton Mess/Muffin
Basically the same same as the Mufflova…
Best enjoyed with: A knowing laugh